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Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
Not only does honey contain antioxidants, but it also hosts vitamins and minerals like niacin, riboflavin, calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium and zinc. These all fight signs of aging and keep our skin and hair looking great!
Whisk an egg white with a spoonful of organic honey (the darker the more antioxidants) and rub unto your face. Relax for 10 minutes then gently rinse honey mask off with warm water.
Honey is a great all natural sweetener for tea. It can also substitue for sugar in even your morning cup of coffee, or instead of syrup on your waffles.
Add a cup of organic honey to your bath water to take advantage of honey’s great hydrating benefits.
Try a honey hair rinse for a slight brightening effect. Apply to freshly washed hair and rinse after 10 minutes. The more consistently you use this, the better your results will be.
Lightened hair is not guaranteed (depends on hair’s porosity) but the honey will leave your hair shinier and healthier!
Try adding a tablespoon of honey to your DIY deep conditioner for an added benefit. It might be just what your recipe needs to produce those shiny curls!
The natural sugar found in honey slightly raises our insulin and allows tryptophan (the same amino acid found in turkey) to enter our brain, causing us to relax. Try a spoonful of honey before bed as a natural cure to insomnia or sleepless nights!
Rub a little honey on a scrape or cut to keep out bacteria and prevent infection. Next time you’re out of antibiotic, try placing a bandage over your wound and watch it heal!
Take a teaspoon or so of a high-quality local honey for two months before allergy season as a natural immunization. Because bees carry the pollen that causes seasonal allergies, the pollen in the honey you consume can help your body grow accustomed to the pollen.
This scrub is a great moisturizer! Chocolate can help keep skin firm as you age, protect it from UV damage, and nourish flaky skin. Try it if you have dry skin — your skin will immediately feel softer to the touch!
Chocolate isn’t considered junk food anymore — it’s a superfood! Sugar, butter and milk dilute the health benefits of cacao, however, so stick to dark chocolate with at least 70% cacao. Here are six, guilt-free beauty and health benefits of chocolate to help you indulge.
We used to think that eating chocolate caused bad skin. Now, chocolate body raps and facials are offered in many spas. Why? Here are just a few of the reasons that chocolate is good for your skin:
Several studies have concluded that eating chocolate has cardiovascular benefits. It cuts the risk of heart attacks and strokes, and can also help to lower blood pressure. Just don’t forget to skip your workout — you need it to balance the extra sugar, butter and milk that you will be consuming.
Believe it or not, cacao — the pure form of cocoa — is also great for your hair! Cacao adds shine and rebuilds the hair’s structure.
Cocoa butter can be used as a hot oil treatment to condition your hair. There are also many products that contain cacao.
Substitute a bar of dark chocolate for that Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream. Swiss scientists discovered that when anxious people ate chocolate, their stress hormone levels were reduced.
On a time crunch? Taking an exam? The flavanols in chocolate (particularly dark chocolate) increase blood flow to the brain, which will help you concentrate on the task at hand.
Best of all, chocolate simply makes you happy. And if you eat chocolate high in cacao (in moderation), you will remain healthy and happy for a long time!
The cucumber acts as a conditioning agent, and the lemon as a cleansing agent, so the two together are like a two in one homemade hair shampoo!
Be extremely cautious about having close friends of the opposite sex. If you’re consistently communicating with or confiding in someone other than your spouse, it could lead down a very dangerous road. Most affairs begin with “friendships” that cross the line. Protect yourself and protect your marriage by putting clear boundaries around yourself and never go down the dangerous road that can lead to adultery.